also i have to ask, are you going to a specialist for ocd? or just a psychoanalyst for ocd? psychoanalyst doesnt work at al. you will need to take your disease head on using CBT, and ERP (exposure response prevention).
if you need anymore help, you can post here as i often respond to most messages rather quickly, take care god bless.
>>��I was diagnosed with OCD 10 years ago, though I think I had it long before. One of my first obsessions/compulsions was thinking that someone would find out about a situation when I was "violated" by someone in the family when I was very young. I was not really ashamed, or maybe I was, but I just kept thinking about it, and I prayed certain prayers in order that God would not let anyone find out. I did eventually tell my mother. I stopped that worry and prayer ritual. Though this violation has affected my life.
>>��The next major one was when I was working in a Hospital. I had a minimal exposure to blood. I did not even need to be tested, but I landed up doing that because I was not able to function. All tests said negative, but I didn't believe it, and kept asking what if this, or what if that. I was treated with medication and had another episode of extreme worry over the same thing a few months after, which resolved quickly.
>>��My worst episodes, worst meaning, I go into major panic, intense fear, unable to eat, unable to get my mind off of the problem, get sick, and maybe for a day or 2 unable to work, or take care of anything, to date equal 4 happening every few years. Other than that
>>��I always question things, and double check, and worry, but for the most part, I don't stay fixated. I am able to function, without anxiety or depression.
>>��My latest worry was that something terrible was going to happen in my home. That something is going to break and cost tons of money to fix, and I have this need to know what is going to break and when. I had a few days where it got really bad, and then it let up. I was put back on Paxil, but I don't think it's working as well this time.
>>��The problem is we did have a lot of problems with our home after we bought it, plus the home is an older home and of course will need repairs from time to time, and one of the repairmen did shoddy work, so we had to call someone back on this one particular occasion. In addition to this, I had some serious health problems that no matter what they try, it doesn't work. So this to me, says, see, bad things are going to happen, we have bad luck, and nothing can be done about it. And, to top it all off, all those life events that can trigger depression, like death, illness, changing jobs, possibly moving due to hubby's job, etc, all have happened to me in a very short time. So it's like I live in constant fear. And yes these are legitimate, realistic and rational things to worry about. My problem is, I allow my thought process to become irrational-and the outcome unrealistic.
>>��So after a few sessions of therapy, we have come to discover I have these episodes: only in winter, when I had a run of serious and legit problems, i.e. major stress, and when my hormones are messed up. We also discovered through some dreams, the problem I worry about seems to stem from a realistic problem. For example, I have this legit health problem, and maybe a particular treatment isn't working, so instead of worrying about this, I worry about something else, like my house or the car. The therapist thinks, this is my way of handling my "real" problems. My real problems can be way too scary for me to acknowledge, too scary for any normal person, so I take that worry and place it on something else, because in some twisted way, it's easier. Ha, not so easy though!
>>��Because I just had a major episode, I still have the thoughts that something is going to happen, but I am able to control them. BUT, this is so tiring, plus I fear it will get to the point where I will get really bad again. This and everything else that has happened, I have hit a major slump, and feel very down in the dumps.
>>��I would really love to find a way to lessen the overall "need to know" problem. After all, we never really know. As far as the major episodes, they happen so far a few between, I am not overly concerned, but when it happens next time, maybe find a way to stop it before it goes full tilt. My therapist said to start writing a journal, so I can look back and see what is triggering the big ones, and that works, because we have figured that out. But is there anything else?
>>��What about medications? Paxil is making me gain weight, and my libido went bye bye, so I am going to have to call the doctor, but want to be prepared on what meds may work better.
>>��I guess most of all, I need to know,(see, need to know) that I am not alone, and that no matter how much I want to think I have bad luck, that this just isn't true, and no matter what, there will always be a way to solve a problem, IF it even happens.
>>��I have had some intrusive thoughts, but they don't seem to bother me as much, I just say, hey this is OCD and no big deal. My worst problem is worrying about things that can actually happen.
>>��Any insight would be so appreciated.