Posted by Jean on February 12, 2002:
I would like to know if there is anyone else anywhere in this Universe that suffers from self destructive and religious obessions...I feel like I am all alone and completely insane...I have these awful self destructive thoughts against myself, wishing bad, horrible things on myself over and over and then, I have these awful thoughts about God, for example, trying to control God and telling God what he can and cant do to me and that he better not give me ______and that blank is always some awful disease that will kill you...and cussing God and wishing bad against God and its always God, God, God, in my mind always...I do love God and I know God can do any and all things...I just dont understand why I have the thoughts that I do about and towards him...its awful, I feel scared, guilty..and I hate those sick,insane, unwanted thoughtts, but they come in my mind and I cant seem to make them go away, they bother me everyday off and on all day, some days lots worse then others, I have been to see numerous counselors and pastors, have been in and out the hospital, have been divorced due to my mental problems...have tried all kinds of medications...I am now on effexxor and that only helps with my depression some, not at all with my Obessional thoughts, these thoughts are hell, they have ruined and continue to ruin my life, at times I just want to end it all, I just want some PEACE OF MIND SO VERY BAD...I hate myself, and I know that God hates me and will soon destroy me...I know that I deserve death,hell and damnation...I just wish there was some hope and healing this side of heaven...PLEASE IF ANYONE OUT THERE CAN RELATE OR ANYONE HAS ANY HELPFUL ADVICE PLEASE EMAIL ME AT [email protected] FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ THIS...GOD BLESS YOU ALL...