Does this make me a lesbian?

I was watching porn and accidentally came across lesbian porn. Initially I thought the character was a male but became suspicious and stopped masturbating. Anyway, I changed videos and finished. I was then thinking back and a thought hit me "did that feel right"? And now the anxiety has become excruciating. I can't stop trying to think back and remember if my HOCD was playing up (its usually on my mind anyway), I can't remember and when I think I've realized yes it was and therefore tricking me, my mind says "but what if it wasn't?", and the cycle begins again. I keep watching the video over and over again trying to figure it out. I can't relax, sit still or anything. Please somebody help me! I'm going insane. Surely if it felt right I would desire to watch more? I've never desired women sexually. I'm really scared, please help me Dr. Lane, or anybody?! PLEASE HELP ME, I THINK I'M GOING TO BE SICK

No, it doesn't make you a

Submitted by Dr. Lane on Thu, 02/28/2013 - 9:06pm.

No, it doesn't make you a lesbian. But part of what you keep doing is analyzing every single behavior, which is typical with HOCD-type symptoms.

I strongly encourage you to not watch porn - it WILL just make things worse and continue to cause you to doubt and spike over and over, because it will constantly feed your anxiety regarding your sexual orientation. (The exception to that is IF, when you get into therapy, your therapist has you watch it as part of exposure therapy.) But it's definitely not doing you any good at all.

I hope this helps, but please realize that all the reassurances in the world will provide only temporary relief, at best. Therapy should help you find ways to manage the anxiety and deal with these disturbing thoughts.

—

Dr. Lane

Thank you so much, I really

Submitted by garthgeorgina (not verified) on Fri, 03/01/2013 - 12:36am.

Thank you so much, I really appreciate your help :) I am now in therapy, I know its desperately needed it, thank you

Even if it did feel right,

Submitted by garthgeorgina (not verified) on Fri, 03/01/2013 - 2:39am.

Even if it did feel right, does that make me a lesbian? @Dr Lane

Please help me, I feel like

Submitted by garthgeorgina (not verified) on Sat, 03/02/2013 - 2:12am.

Please help me, I feel like I'm going insane. @Dr Lane

 
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