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Please i need help doctor
I believe i am suffering from ocd again it went awhile for awhile but it is now back. I think it is hard to explain how i feel but i feel gay its not like a i wanna do another man its just my mind saying i feel gay. I get anxiety when i look at a guy and i wonder if it is possible because of the gay ocd if when i look at a picture and notice the guys more is from the fact my mind is already panicked about gay thoughts. I have ridiculous homosexual thoughts like anything i think anything i put something gay into it also i try watching what i say or do or how i lay or sit because i dont wanna appear gay. I have a wife and daughter i am 22 and have been though this once and it is killing my marriage. I constantly tell myself i am not gay it just thoughts but seems lately its getting worse and i just feel like i cant win. I also watched a gay porno twice thinking if i dont get turned on or hard that i am not gay but that made it worse i didnt get turned on or an erection but i caught myself thinking about it.I dont wanna feel like this anymore and i have always had worry and anxiety like tumor then my wife cheating on me HOCD then back to wife cheating on me now back to HOCD. Is it normal while feeling this to not feel attached to anything and look at a girl and not know what im feeling? I think its because my minds so worried it is more fixed on what if i find a guy attractive. I just want my old life back with my wife and daughter any info helps or if you could email to answer more question i would be grateful im kinda in a hurry to figure stuff out. Does it sound like HOCD? sorry so long this hocd thing is getting me all messed up can it make me overthink that i wouldnt wanna do stuff to a women like sexually? i have only ever thought about women and use to be able to get erections very easy when it came to them. no i cannot get and erection easliy like i watch lesbian porn and i get hard but im thinking about everything while watching it like do i like her body or would i wanna do that to her and why do i want to and its just constant thinking. i repeated tell myself im not gay all day and i feel if i came out and told people it wouldnt actually give me ny relief i feel like the anexity would still be there. i just wanna be back to old me the day before i started all of this where i was looking at women and talking to my wife about dirty things. i feel like i cant even talk to her right now becasue of this feeling it leaves me with nothing to say.
thanks in advance
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Hi Andrew, While I can't say
Hi Andrew,
While I can't say for sure, it does sound like you have a long history of anxiety and may have HOCD. It doesn't sound like you are gay, but that's just based on what you have described.
I don't know if you have ever had treatment for your anxiety. It is clearly impacting your life so I think the next best step for you is to have an evaluation with a mental health professional (e.g. a psychologist, a psychiatrist, a clinical social worker, etc.). It would be ideal if there is someone in your area who specializes in the treatment of anxiety or OCD, but if not then any experienced mental health professional.
If you do have OCD (HOCD is not really a separate disorder) then treatment usually consists of therapy (cognitive behavioral therapy is one of the best types of therapy for OCD) and possibly medication as well. I don't recommend medication alone (although certainly better than no treatment) because it only treats the symptoms, and once you stop it, they almost always return. Therapy can help you learn to manage the symptoms and ultimately give you more control over your disorder.
I hope this helps and I wish you the best. I know this can be a very difficult disorder so the sooner you get treatment for it, the better.
Dr. Lane
Hey Andrew22
Thank you for telling your story. You are not alone. Trust me you are not. I am a 19 yr old male that has been dealing with this for three years now and I swear our stories are near verbatum. You first fear your gay then u check such as the internet porn etc. then u feel guilty etc basically shitty depressed. Then just like u said with straight porn u look and see "oh well would I do that, omg idk so on and so on" This by far has been the most difficult OCD I have ever dealt with, it hits such a sensitive subject. But if you ever wanna talk share stories whatev, just leave a comment. Stay strong and you're not alone.
-Chad
how you doing chad do u are
how you doing chad do u are your images in head still bad? do you ever try just giving yourself reasons you would be? i have so many questions
Yes I do have horrible images
Yes I do have horrible images in my mind. For example:
-Never be with the one person I truly love
-My whole life has been a lie
-Im just in denial
-You masturbated with someone of the same sex you must be gay.
-Kids called you gay in school, you must be gay.
-You haven't gone all the way with a girl, what if your gay.
-The number of male vs. female friends I have must make me gay.
They are very prevalent and disturbing I am currently seeking therapy but the appointments are so spread out that it is almost counter productive in my eyes.