What should I do?

Hi Taz4444,

I wish I had an easy answer for you, but I don't. But I can tell you that I have heard your story from many other women - different names, same scenario.

Guys like the one you describe can be very charming and seductively irresistable - when they are on their best behavior. But as you have experienced many times over, it doesn't last for long and then their true colors appear.

They are masters at making women feel very special (they are excellent at playing on your vulnerabilities). That is exhilarating, and why women have a hard time walking away.

True to this type, they apologize, sound very sincere, make promises that they will change - but it is a rare guy that actually does (and please, please don't assume he is one of the rare guys that will!!).

While no one can predict the future, I would say the odds are very high that this pattern will continue for as long as you give him a place in your life. You had the courage to walk away before. It's up to you if you want to continue on this roller coaster.

Yes, you have very strong feelings for him and those are hard to let go (and it takes time). But the question you need to ask yourself is do you really believe you deserve better? Because, in my experience, these men typically have relationships with women who have low self-esteem and a lot of insecurities. Deep down they don't believe they are worthy of someone who treats them well (consistently) or that they will ever find someone else that they can love as much.

Logic isn't very helpful, but sometimes you have to make a decision that goes against what you feel in your heart. I suspect your biggest obstacle is being able to believe that there is someone better for you than this guy. The highs are very high with him, but the lows are very low. Even if the highs become less frequent, they're very powerful and keep reinforcing what you feel. Also, every time you accept his apology and continue in the relationship, it reinforces his bad behavior - it lets him know that he can get away with it.

Unless you want to continue on this roller coaster, then as others have suggested, you need to walk away. In these situations it is best to stop all contact - make a clean break. Otherwise, he will keep tugging at your heart every time you interact and that will make it much harder for you to truly let him go.

It is not going to be easy. But it is doubtful he will truly ever change. If he really loved you, he wouldn't mistreat you. Love is a verb - not just a feeling. He may say the words, but his actions indicate otherwise. He may not be capable of a truly loving relationship unless he does a lot of work on his own issues - and that could take a very long time. Even then, he may not change much.

My apologies for such a lengthy response - I hope this helps at least a little.