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Is this HOCD?
Hello everyone. Let me just start out by saying that I am a 13 year old male. I have been grappling with OCD all my life, now that I think about it, and I have been heterosexual all my life as well. I used to have long phases, in which I would obsessively worry over one thing (like and outbreak of AIDS or a Zombie Apocalypse) until I eventually got over it. However, this would take weeks and sometimes even months.
Now, my worry is if I'm gay. I had this fear once before when I was 11, and I eventually got over it. But now, the thoughts are much more intense and provoking. I can't even look at a guy without pathologically saying in my mind, "He's cute," or something along those lines. Gay porn that I've never watched just pops into my mind, and I struggle to get rid of it. I'm not aroused by any type of gay porn or gay relations (I didn't check, I fantasized). But what worries me is that while I have these thoughts, I find that my love for girls is drastically diminished. I used to look at the girls in my school and pick out the cutest. Now, I don't do that. I don't do it with guys either, but the presence of those annoying "He's cute," thoughts are getting on my nerves. I don't know what's wrong with me.
Please help. Welcome news to my ears would be that I'm not gay, If that helps your diagnosis.
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Hi Anonymous21, You are
Hi Anonymous21,
You are certainly describing symptoms that are typical of OCD (HOCD is a type of OCD in which the primary obsessions are about being gay). However, I don't have enough information to say more.
If your symptoms are causing you significant distress or interfering with your life significantly, then I recommend that you have an evaluation with a mental health professional, such as a psychologist, a psychiatrist, or a clinical social worker. If there is someone in your area who specializes in the treatment of anxiety disorders or OCD, that would be best.
Since you are only 13, you would probably need to talk to your parents about getting an appointment. If you don't feel comfortable telling them the details of your obsessive thoughts (which is perfectly understandable) perhaps you could let them know that you are experiencing troubling thoughts on a regular basis and that you would like to get some help. If you can't talk to them, perhaps you could talk to a school counselor for referrals or have him/her talk to your parents if he/she feels you need to see a therapist.
I hope this helps!
Dr. Lane